Goodbye 2013

It is so hard for me to believe that we are yet again at the end of another year.  If you ask me, 2013 went by way too fast - it is so hard for me to remember everything that happened!  As we look forward into the new year, it is common to make resolutions - lose weight, go gluten-free, exercise more, get that bigger bonus, etc.  I think for me my resolution is less about how I want my life to change, and more about how I want to see myself grow.  Before I left for the semester, my counselor asked me to keep dreaming over the break about the person that I want to become.  And so, I've thought a lot about the woman that I want to be.  I know I say this all the time, but I want to be who I was made to be - not afraid of what the future holds.  As Elrond says to Aragorn in Return of the King, "Put aside the ranger, become who you were born to be."

So as I look back on 2013, I see some incredible growth.  Going through counseling has strengthened my sense of self and taught me that it's okay to feel how I feel - to be who I am.  I feel like I know myself so much better than I did six months ago (and I thought I knew myself well then!).  But I also see areas in which I want to grow and develop more.  I want to continue to develop my patience, though I think that I've learned a lot in that area, especially in the past year.  I want to both embrace and release my anxiety.  Anxiety is not something that I frequently feel, but when I do, it is a very intense and physical experience.  I want to learn to be okay with this - and not feel anxious about the anxiety - but also learn to r e l e a s e.  "Okay, so I feel anxious, now what can I do to let it go and approach this situation with a peaceful heart?"  I find that I work myself up a lot to protect against disappointment and hurt (especially in relationships), and it is so e x h a u s t i n g.  How do I learn to take appropriate and necessary risks in my life without going into emotional overdrive?

So, instead of starting on some sudden, life-changing path in 2014, I want to continue to grow into who God made me to be.  I want to continue to pursue patience, trust in the Lord, and a peaceful heart.  This may not be the traditional new year's resolution, but 2014 brings a sense of new beginnings and fresh starts as I continue to become who I was born to be.

Happy 2014!

Merry Christmas!

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I promise a longer post about the end of the semester is coming!  For now, here is some Christmas cheer!

#WorldSeries

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a World Series game.  SAY WHAT?!  I'm tellin' ya, perks of living in a baseball-obsessed city.  Now, I am hardly a baseball fan, but this was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up!  So here are some pictures from the big night!! :)

The Cup (the BEST cupcake place in St. Louis) makes
Cardinals-themed cupcakes! Mmmm :)

CARDS WIN!!

sometimes it's really nice that I work in a library...

While I love my job, there are severe set-backs to working in a climate-controlled, basement room of the library...namely that it is freezing at all times.  I've layered coats, brought blankets, etc. and to no avail - I always walk out of this room hoping that outside it's much warmer (yes, that is a thought I have on a regular basis, even when it's January and blizzarding).  Today, though, I'm quite thankful that I work in a library, particularly a seminary library.  I've been reflecting a lot on Ephesians 5:22-33 recently, and our library does have a nice selection of commentaries to help me wrap my brain around it all (thank you, people smarter than me!!).  In case you're interested, the NIV Application Commentary and the Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament both have very helpful articles on this passage.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.  "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)

Trust Your Instincts

Frodo:  "Who then do I trust?"

Gandalf:  "You must trust yourself.  Trust your instincts."

Turns out that's not really what Gandalf says in the first Lord of the Rings movie, but that's what I've thought he's said for the past 10 years so I'm going to go with it.  Every week for Group Dynamics, we have to write a journal entry about some aspect of the class that week - it could be reading, class discussion, or something that happened in group.  This past week, I was co-facilitating my group, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts from this week.

At some point in our group discussion, I asked the group, "What if we trust the instincts we are all having?"  A number of people had voiced that their gut was telling them to delve into a comment that one of the group members made.  But they were all afraid that this was not the "right" thing to do.  Maybe it's just me, but I feel like a lot of the counseling process (group or otherwise) is about feeling it out and trusting your instincts.  I also believe that may of our instincts (though definitely not all!) are God-given, and can therefore be trusted.  I think if we had gotten out of our heads a little bit (which is so unlike me to suggest!  I'm such a rational person), and trusted our gut then we would have been less apprehensive to enter in to the hurt and mess that multiple group members were hinting at.  Our professor always talks about "taking the risk" in counseling, and I think that is what this is.  I am such a risk-averse person, and it is so hard from me to understand why my gut is telling me to take a risk.  While risks are definitely scary, I think they aren't something to be afraid of.

Anyways, it was so comforting me to end group feeling like I could trust my instincts as a counselor.  While I definitely have a lot to learn, it was nice to leave feeling like God has got my back in the counseling room.  As Dr. Zink (one of our professors) would say, "Trust God, and trust the process."  I think a big part of that is learning to trust yourself as a result of knowing that in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). 

just something I've been meditating on...

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.” (Acts 2:38-39)

Back in the Swing of Things

It is so hard to believe that I've been back in St. Louis for over a month now.  In some ways, it feels like the past few weeks have FLOWN by.  But at the same time it kind of feels like I never left.  This semester, I am actually only a part-time student at Covenant, taking three classes:  1. Spirit, Church, & Last Things  2. Group Dynamics  3.  Educational & Psychological Measurements.  In addition to these courses, I'm starting to get a jump-start on the additional courses I'll need to be an LPC in Virginia, so I'm taking an online course through Regent University.  Needless to say, my school workload has been relatively light so far, which has made for a nice transition back to St. Louis.

This year, I am living in an on-campus house with an all-new set of roommates!  I honestly could not be more blessed with how my living situation this year has turned out.  My roommates are all very sweet, loving girls, and I already feel like we click well with one another.  We're starting to tackle decorating our house, so we had a mini-photoshoot done at the beginning of the semester:

From Left to Right:  Me, Bekah, Emily, Amy, Erin, & Britt

I am so excited to get to know these ladies better over the course of the next couple of years!

Some more highlights of the past few weeks:  Labor Day weekend I went out to Table Rock Lake (unfortunately, I don't have any pictures) with some of Eric's friends.  By far one of the most relaxing weekends I've had in a long time!  It was so nice to get to know these new friends, and also to enjoy the water and lots of REALLY good ice cream (Blue Bell - I'd never had it before!).  The next weekend, I went to visit Jessica in Lexington (I was quite the traveler those weeks!), and as always it was so nice and grounding to talk and hang out with her.  Since I've gotten back from traveling, I've started work, gone to a Cardinals game, visited a Missouri winery with Eric's cousins, and gone to the annual St. Louis Balloon Glow in Forest Park!  Who knew that I would be such a (social!) busy bee in my first month back?!  I must say it makes SUCH a difference having roommates that I connect with so well.  For the first time in a lonnggg time, I want to be upstairs (my room is in the basement) as much as possible just to hang out with them, and my default answer for social events is not "no," like it was for the majority of last year.  It is so s w e e t to feel so comfortable here.

Lauren, Melissa & I at Noboleis Winery

STL Balloon Glow in Forest Park!  Such a beautiful night!

xoxo

So I had this realization this morning - 10 years ago today, I was sitting in my 8th grade English class, interviewing this girl named Tasha Abi-Najm.  And now, 10 years later, I am still blessed to call her one of my very best friends! :)  We've gone through so much together: fun times and sorrowful times, celebrations and times of mourning.  So here's to you, Tash - may our next 10 years of friendship be as memorable as the last! :)

xoxo, S

Homes

Timeless.

One of the highlights of my weekend was getting to spend a day down in my second home, Williamsburg.  Even after a year of living somewhere else, this place still has a special draw for me.  Some things have changed (like the amazing new frat houses that they've built!), some things are only slightly different, and some things are timeless.  What I love about being an alumna of the College of William & Mary is that my experience is not unique.  The majority of the the College's alumni, I would argue, have the same deep-seated connection to this place.  When I was an undergraduate, in many ways I felt like the campus and the Williamsburg community were the perfect home for me.  I felt like the place was meant for me.  Going back as an alumna is different - I no longer feel like I belong in the same way.  I'm not a

student anymore, and I don't feel like I could ever be a student there again - it would feel weird.  But as I walk the campus, I get the sense that in some ways I will always belong at William & Mary.  Those four years were a defining aspect of my life, and in personality & mind, I will always be a William & Mary student.  Walking along the Sunken Gardens feels different than it did before (though I can still very distinctly feel what it felt like), but it is still such a peaceful feeling for me.  I walk the campus differently than I did a couple of years ago, but it will never lose it's magic for me.

So all of this has gotten me thinking about the concept of home.  As a child, "home" is where you and your family live.  To the government, you are considered "homeless" if you do not have your own permanent residence (i.e., if you are crashing in a friend's apartment for a month, but they could technically kick you out at any time, you are considered "homeless").  For me, I think I have many homes.  Some are based on the place itself, and some are based on the people there, but all of them have a sense of belonging.  Of course, I have a home in Ashburn where my family lives.  Not only is this concept of home tied to the people that I love that live there, but also to the house that I grew up in.  But Williamsburg also feels like home to me.  I feel like I belong there in a different way than I belong at home in Ashburn.  St. Louis is also beginning to feel like a home.  This one is not tied to the place at all - the city itself has no draw to me.  But it's the people (I have one particularly in mind) that I feel connected to.  Granted, because I've only lived there for a year, my relationships are not as strong as they are with friends from Ashburn or Williamsburg, but over the next 2 years, I can see them becoming so.

It's kind of a weird feeling to have 3 homes.  I mean, I would rather have 3 than have none at all, but it does kind of make one feel pulled in a few different directions.  It also makes it so that I adjust super quickly to being in each place.  Within a day or two, I am back into my mode of operation for that specific environment.  One thing I would like to learn is to meld these M.O.s into one.  Of course I will always react uniquely to each environment, but I would like to see as much overlap of self in each one as possible.

Just some of my thoughts today. :)

I Know It's Today

I'm not a huge fan of Shrek: the Musical...personally I take issue with random movies that become musicals just to further the franchise...but that is an entirely different topic for another day.  Anyways, a friend of mine gave me the soundtrack a while back, and this song came up on my iPhone the other day in the car:

(if you want to read the lyrics go here:
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/shrekthemusical/iknowitstoday.htm)

It struck me just how culturally relevant this song actually is.  How many girls of my generation are waiting and waiting and waiting for their knight in shining armor or Prince Charming to appear?  For those of you that know the story of Shrek, Fiona's rescuer is not anything like what she imagined - not even close to the stereotypical Prince Charming.  But that doesn't mean he isn't her perfect match.  I think there is a lesson to be learned here.

I find these lines to be particularly insightful:  "There's a princess / Any princess / Take your pick, they're all like me / Not exactly, I'm still waiting / They're all living happily / Ever after better get here / I want love in seconds flat..."

To me, this says so much about our culture.  1) We hate waiting.  2) We think that our lives don't start until we hit a certain mile-marker.  Maybe it's falling in love.  Or getting married.  Or having children.  Or obtaining a higher educational degree.  Or getting the perfect job.  But we think that we can't really live, or live happily for that matter, without first achieving that one thing.  For Fiona, and many women/girls of my generation, it's finding her Prince Charming/Knight in Shining Armor.  But our lives are happening right now.  We can't keep waiting for life to "start" otherwise we'll miss out on the life that we currently have!

I love when the Arts speak out about culture in insightful and relevant ways.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on this - what you notice in this song, and any response you have to my brief and very disjointed thoughts!  Please comment! :)

Experimenting with Cupcakes

Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted anything...just another sign of my rather extreme laziness in the summer.  I've been home for almost 2 months and no pictures have been scrapbooked, I'm only halfway through my reading list, and most days I could not tell you what I actually did in the preceding 12 hours (unless I've been at work that day).  Such is the life of the graduate student on break I suppose.

I've been meaning to write this specific post for a while, but kept putting it off in the event that I baked more and wanted to add more stuff to it.  Seeing as I only have 4 weeks left of my summer, and still have only 2 cupcake recipes to share with you, I feel like I should go ahead and write this post!

So, I gave my sister a cupcake book for her (our) birthday, and so far we've tried 2 of the recipes:  Margarita Cupcakes and Bittersweet Chocolate Raspberry Cupcakes.  I liked both, but the Bittersweet Chocolate Raspberry was by far the superior cupcake - SO DELICIOUS.  In defense of the Margarita Cupcakes, there is definitely an added benefit of making margaritas out of the extra ingredients. . . just putting that one out there. ;)  This cupcake book has SO many interesting recipes to try, and I love that some of them are variations on a cake mix while others have you make your own cake!  I personally want to get to the Salted Caramel Cupcakes before the end of the summer, but other good options include Cafe Mocha, Cosmopolitan, Polka Dot Pumpkin Cheesecake, Chocolate Tiramisu, Pink Lemonade, Boston Creme, and Surprise Prize Cupcakes (the last one has a cookie dough center!!).  Man, I should have bought one of these books for myself!  Looks like I'll be heading back to Barnes & Noble when I get back to STL. . .

Margarita Cupcakes
1 pkg. white cake mix
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons margarita mix, divided
2 eggs
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup water
3 tsps grated lime peel, divided
Juice of 1 lime
2 tablespoons tequila (or you can substitute in lime juice. . . but who really wants to do that?)
3 cups powdered sugar
1 tbsp. white decorating sugar
1 tbsp. salt
Green and yellow food coloring
Lime peel strips (optional)

Preheat oven to 350.  Put paper cupcake cups in 2 standard muffin tins (makes 24 cupcakes).  Stir cake mix, 3/4 cup margarita mix, eggs, oil, water, 1 tsp lime peel and lime juice in large bowl until well blended.  Spoon evenly into cupcake cups and bake for 20 minutes (or until done).  Cool in pans for 10 mins, then remove to wire racks to cool completely.  (How easy was that?!)

Margarita Cupcakes with glaze

Combine tequila, remaining 2 tbsp margarita mix,and 2 tsp lime peel in medium bowl.  Gradually whisk in powdered sugar.  Combine decorating sugar and salt in small bowl.  Add food coloring one drop at a time until desired shade is reached.  Spread glaze over cupcakes; dip edges in sugar mixture (like the salt around the edge of a margarita glass).  Garnish with lime peel strips.
Note:  We didn't do the sugar/salt and lime peel garnish, and it still tasted great!

Bittersweet Chocolate Raspberry Cupcakes
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup hot coffee
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
8 oz bittersweet chocolate, chopped, divided
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup buttermilk
2 pints fresh raspberries, divided
1/2 cup whipping cream

Preheat oven to 350. Line muffin tins with 20 paper cups.  Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt in small bowl; mix well.  Whisk coffee, cocoa and 2 oz chopped chocolate in large bowl until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth.  Stir in sugar, eggs, oil and vanilla until well blended.  Alternately add flour mixture and buttermilk, beating well after each addition.  Spoon evenly into prepared muffin cups.  Place 3 raspberries in each cup (no worries, they sink down into the cupcake as it bakes!).  Bake for 20 minutes or until done.  Cool in pan 5 minutes, remove to wire rack until completely cool.
Bring cream to a simmer in small saucepan over medium heat.  Place remaining 6 oz chopped chocolate in a medium heatproof bowl.  Pour hot cream over chocolate; let stand 2 minutes (without stirring!  the chocolate is melting!).  Whisk mixture until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth.  Dip tops of cupcakes in chocolate mixture (we actually found it easier to frost them with a frosting knife); return to wire racks.  Let stand 10 minutes.  Dip/frost again if desired (umm, yes? of course you want another layer of chocolate ganache!).  Top with a single raspberry, and let stand until set.

(Recipes from Cupcakes: Sensational Sweet Treats for Any Occasion, Publications International, Ltd. 2012)

Some things never change

This has been a whirlwind week!  A week ago today, my sister arrived in St. Louis to help me pack up my stuff and move home to DC for the summer.  5 days ago we started our cross-country road trip, and 4 days ago I slept in my own bed.  With one day of downtime, we then hosted the first (annual?) reunion of Cabell 104 + Sarah (aka Snuggles).

I have been so blessed to have these four girls (Jessica, Cathy, Steph, and Margaret Ann) for the past five years.  They have been a constant source of love, encouragement, advice, accountability, and community.  After spending four years at W&M together, we went our separate ways last fall.  Cathy moved to Philly to be a TFA teacher, Margaret Ann moved to Nashville to study Education at Vandy, Jess moved to Lexington to study International Relations at UK, Steph moved home to the DC area to pursue a career in government, and I moved out to St. Louis.  So this is the first time that I have seen any of these ladies in person (except Jessica, of course) in a year.  That's a very long time.

Things that Never Change:
Jessica's Facial Expressions.

Seeing them all again got me thinking about time and life, and this is probably about to make no sense and be very introspective.  But just a few things I've been thinking about...

Things that Never Change:
Snuggling.

It doesn't feel like it's been a year since I've graduated from W&M and seen these dear friends of mine.  It feels like we were all there completing the triathlon just yesterday.  But at the same time, it feels like I've made deep connections in St. Louis, and that part of my life feels very "normal" - like I've been there for awhile.  It is not uncommon for me to say that college feels like it was in another life.  It's kind of confusing experiencing time in both of these ways at the same time.  In a similar train of thought, do you ever feel like you live multiple different lives?  I'm not talking about the phenomenon where someone is a completely different person depending on the social situation, and does not have an integrated sense of self.  I feel like I am pretty much the same (with of course some minor adjustments depending on how comfortable I am) in each of my environments/"homes" (Ashburn, Williamsburg, St. Louis).  But each of these lives sometimes feels so disconnected from the others, so it's weird when they intersect.  For example, while I loved having Jessica come visit me in St. Louis, it was kind of an out of body experience, seeing her in an environment that I do not usually associate with her.  Does that make sense?  It was like worlds colliding.  This weekend was similar for me.  In the course of a week, I've transitioned in and out of 3 "homes:" St. Louis --> Ashburn --> Williamsburg (represented by the Cabell 104 girls) --> Ashburn.  And while this didn't necessarily feel unusual, it did dawn on me that I should be aware of when I make these transitions between "homes."  Anyways, just what I've been thinking about of late...

Lunch with Meghan Moore!

Back to this weekend.  It was so good to just sit and talk with these ladies for hours on end.  We could catch up on our lives, but also just experience each other in a way that you can't do over Skype.  I loved that we all could just pick up where we left off.  We still relate to each other in the same ways, and even though we are all grown up now living separate lives in separate states, we still have a strong connection grounded in love.

Some things never change.

So I've been on this baking kick...

Over the past few months, I've been compiling a list of recipes that I need to try.  I actually really enjoy baking, but the problem comes when I have a ton of food and no one to help me eat it.  Baking is a yummy hobby, but definitely not good for the waistline...

Anyways, here are a few things that I've tried recently:

1.  Pink Lemonade Cake

This is a Pillsbury cake mix that is out for the summer (usually available at Walmart, or some Targets).  I was a little skeptical, but ended up being very pleased with the results!  You can buy matching frosting (ew.), but I used Lemon Poke Cake frosting instead (lemon pudding mix, 1 cup of milk, and cool whip...mmmm!), which was a MUCH better decision.  Overall, I thought the taste of the cake was good - it's very light and not too lemony.  I'm pretty sure the oven in my apartment was acting up though, since the cake rose more on one side than the other....weird.

2.  Key Lime Cookies

Also a summer Pillsbury mix.  I sadly did not take a picture of them, but if you can get past the bright green color of these cookies, they are actually quite delicious!  Very limey, and they have crunchies on the inside!  I'm always partial to cookies with crunchies, since they remind me of the lemon crisp cookies I make at Christmas.

3.  French Toast Casserole

My sister and I have long been on a hunt for this recipe.  I ended up using this one:  http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/puffy-french-toast-casserole-90607.aspx.  My best friend's mom always made french toast casserole when we had sleepovers, and I have wanted to learn how to make it ever since!  The recipe I used wasn't quite as good as hers, so I'm still on the look out for the right one, but this was definitely a good start!

4.  Milky Way Salted Caramel Cookies

I just made these this past weekend with my dear friends from college (see next post about our reunion!).  You can find the recipe here:  http://www.instructables.com/id/Milky-Way-Salted-Caramel-Cookies/.  A few things about this recipe: (a) it takes longer to cook than you think - it's easy to take them out when the bottom isn't done cooking (b) the batter is DELICIOUS (c) eat when completely cooled.  It's a little too goupy if you eat them fresh out of the oven.  Plus, you don't really get to taste the sea salt until it's cooled.

I could have done with just using a caramel in the middle instead of a milky way...the chocolate of the milky way kinda got in the way.  But still, these were definitely a yummy choice!

Birthday Week 2013

Back in March, my roommate Peggy & I instituted "birthday week" in honor of our other roommate, Janelle. The plan was to love Janelle in some small way every day during the week of her birthday.  This tradition has continued, and so this past week was my "birthday week."  SO FUN.  I cannot thank my friends here at Covenant enough for making me feel so loved and special during this past week! :)  Here are some of the highlights:

On Monday (the official start of birthday week), I got back from my normal early-morning gym workout to find a balloon and mini-latte made by Peggy.  Later that day, I was surprised with BEAUTIFUL roses from Eric.
Thursday (my actual birthday), started off with breakfast made by Peggy, and an early-morning skype session with my co-birthday-girl, Jessica.  It was so fun getting to see her on our birthday and open presents together.  I really missed celebrating with her this year, and I've resolved that twins should never spend their birthdays alone.  Having her with me is a fundamental part of how I think my birthday should be celebrated, and it was really sad for her not to be here with me.  After class, I went to lunch with my dear friend Taylore, and Eric took me out for dinner later that night.
Friday was the official party day.  My friends threw me an AWESOME dinner party.  You all need to let Janelle cook for you - oh my goodness, was it amazing!  Homemade bruschetta, shrimp scampi, and chicken alfredo (yes, she made her own sauce); I couldn't ask for a more delicious meal.  I felt so loved by all who planned and came to celebrate with me!  We ended the evening at a pub called McGurk's in Soulard (downtown-ish St. Louis) with a huge crowd of Covenant students.  Peggy got everyone in the bar to sing to me, which was such a special way to end the night!
Sunday was the official close to birthday week.  Eric treated me to lunch and then a cupcake at Jilly's cupcake bar.  SO YUMMY.  This place is a must if you come to St. Louis.  Jilly's was on Food Network's Cupcake Wars and WON!  They are going to be on the show again in a couple of weeks, I believe.

Thank you, everyone for all of the birthday love this week.  It has been so fun for me to celebrate with all of you, and I appreciate the love and affirmation you have showered me with this past week! :)  I couldn't ask for a better way to start my last week of classes and finals.

i don't know about you, but i'm feeling 22

Definitely not the best Taylor Swift song...but considering that I have 5 days left being 22, I thought it was appropriate! :)  Birthday week starts tomorrow!

Speculoos Cookies

I've never written a food blog, but I was so excited about this baking experiment, I thought I would share it with you!  How many of you have heard of Speculoos?  You may have heard it called Biscoff Spread or Cookie Butter (made by Trader Joe's), but I will forever call it by it's French name - Speculoos.  I was first introduced to this glorified peanut butter during my semester abroad.  As some of you may remember, I gave up chocolate for Lent that year, and Lent quite inconveniently fell over my Spring Break trip to Paris.  So, my dear friend Cathy bought Speculoos for us to eat with fruit and bread, since I could not have Nutella.  Ever since, we have all been hooked!  I came back to the states and scoured every grocery store to find this product!  At the time, I could only find it at one store - Fresh Market.  Now, only two years later, it's available at almost every major grocery in the country, in addition to Walmart and Trader Joe's (who have formed their own label of Cookie Butter).

So, for awhile, I've been wanting to modify a standard recipe for peanut butter cookies (substituting Speculoos for peanut butter).  I know, I know, you can buy Biscoff cookies at the store...  But making your own is so much more fun, and you get chewy cookies instead of crunchy tea-cookies.  I did have to modify the flour content - because Speculoos and peanut butter don't have quite the same consistency, the batter turned out very sticky, and my test cookies were thin and didn't rise properly.  So, here is the recipe I used (courtesy of the old Better Homes & Garden cookbook):

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour (this is 1/4 more flour than the peanut butter cookie recipe)
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup margarine (or butter)
1/2 cup Speculoos
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Stir together flour, baking soda & salt - set aside.  In a mixer bowl, beat butter for 30 seconds.  Add Speculoos, granulated sugar, and brown sugar; beat until fluffy.  Add egg and vanilla; beat well.  Add dry ingredients; beat until well combined.  Shape dough into 1 inch balls; roll in granulated sugar if desired (I did not do this last part, but it's definitely worth trying!).  Place 2 inches apart on cookie sheet, and bake for about 10 minutes.  Cool 1 minute on cookie sheet before removing to cooling rack.

Can I just say, the cookie dough for these is DELICIOUS.  The cookies were good too, but I'm looking to get more opinions on that before I make them again.  If anyone happens to try them, let me know what your thoughts are!

Springtime

Up until this week, I had always thought that springtime meant sunshine and flowers and temperatures of at least 50 degrees (more like 70 if you're in the Williamsburg area).  Clearly, I had not experienced spring's full range of emotions.  Instead of all of those wonderfully warm things, my spring break has been marked by snowfall and chilly temperatures.  And people say that we should be concerned about global warming!

It's hard to believe that the spring semester is half over (sorry for my lack of posts recently)!  The past two months have absolutely flown by, as spring semesters tend to do.  I always feel like the second half of the school year goes by so much faster than the first!  That's probably all in my head, but nevertheless, my theory is holding true.  One of the wonderful things about going to a seminary is that we get additional days off for the Easter holidays.  And conveniently, Easter falls right after our spring break this year!  So next week consists of work and classes Monday-Wednesday, and then I have Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, AND Easter Monday off!  Isn't that crazy?  It's like having two weeks of spring break!

I have really enjoyed being home for the past week.  Although I've been working a crazy number of hours, it has been great just to come back to my home base and rest my mind for awhile.  A day and half more and then it's back to St. Louis for me.  I can't believe this break has gone by so fast!  Before I know it, it's gonna be April (and my birthday!)...where has the semester gone?!

Meaningful Conversations

"One conversation can change a life." - Meg Meyers, MAC '11

Sometimes moments strike you.  Sometimes it's like a slap in the face, and sometimes it's like realizing that you're awake after slowing coming out of a dream.  I find that I'm struck by the seemingly insignificant things that people say.  Like the quote above - just one small sentence, part of a lecture I heard today on Child Abuse & Neglect.  Hearing her say this made me re-realize that I want to have those conversations every day.  I want to be in the business of enacting change in the world - to walk with others in the restoration process.

This lecture also re-awoke in me my desire to work with children & families who are caught in the traps of abuse, neglect, and poverty.  Our speaker works for an organization very similar to the one I worked for during my last semester at William & Mary (Child Development Resources, aka CDR), and I could not help remembering how much I loved working there.  There is so much that the counseling & social work community can do to prevent "big issues" like child abuse/neglect, domestic violence, substance abuse, and juvenile crime, and yet we spend so much time trying to clean up the mess after it's already happened.  Restoration is not just an individual process, it's happening in families and communities and culture - and yet we shy away from working in these areas.

So if one conversation can change a life, how many lives do we affect every day?  What if the conversation you are in right now is the one that will change the life of whoever it is you are talking to?  Just something to think about.

Fasting & Feasting

It struck me the other day that Lent is fast approaching, and I haven't given any thought as to what I'm going to give up.  Funny how it sneaks up on you like that!  For those of you that have been following my rather random & rambling writings for awhile, you know that Lent is definitely not a tradition that I grew up with.  In fact, I've only been partaking in this time of fasting for the past two years.  Through these experiences, I've come to realize that I do not fast properly.  I use Lent as a means of testing my self-control and discipline, not as a way to learn to rely on God more.  I've also used it as a way to kick-start each failed attempt to eat healthier & get down to a weight I was happy with.  Seeing as I've lost 11 pounds since October (my first successful weight loss attempt - I'm thrilled!), this is no longer a motivation for me.

But the question remains, what am I going to do for Lent?  I think what I want to see happen is a true heart-change.  And in order to see that happen, I think I am inclined to not remove anything from my life.  Rather I am going to add something:  meditation.  There is an exercise that I found in a book I read last semester (Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson), that describes meditating on being known by God.  This is where I want to start - practicing being known by my Creator, and learning to know Him more.

What if we used Lent to focus not on depriving ourselves of yummy foods and enjoyable activities, but on feasting on the love of God and the Word He has given us?

my best friend's wedding

In June of 2007, Aaron told me that he was going to marry Tasha.  We were on a student exchange trip to Germany, and they had been dating for approximately 4 1/2 months.  Needless to say, I didn't believe him.  How many 17 year-olds have found the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with?  Besides, she was my best friend - so I was a little protective.

Yesterday, we celebrated Tasha & Aaron's marriage, and I have never been so happy to be proven wrong.  Tasha, you and I have been through so much together - times of joy and times of sadness.  I have been so blessed to have you in my life for the past 10 years.  And now you're off to start a brand new adventure!  I'm so excited to see the great blessings God has in store for you and your new husband.  But if I'm being honest with myself, I'm also incredibly sad to see you go.  I'm going to miss our long chats over chocolate milk, eating ice cream in your basement, and seeing you every time I came home from school.  It's the end of a chapter in our lives, and I'm sad to see it come to a close.


Aaron & Tasha, thank you so much for including me in your wedding.  It was such an honor to be involved in the ceremony, and it has been a joy to see your relationship grow over the last six years.

Much love to you, my dear friends, and may the Lord bless you as you start this grand adventure <3

2013

Happy New Year, everyone!  Is it just me, or does the number "2013" sound a little weird?  "2012" had such a nice ring to it!  2012 was such a big year...let's see if 2013 measures up to its predecessor.  I do hope that the coming year is not quite as eventful as the previous one - it is possible to have too much going on.  That being said, there are some very special things that I'm looking forward to in 2013 - weddings, graduations, and the like.  :)

It's hard to believe that I am already halfway through my amazingly long winter break.  I go back in just 18 days!  And I know that time will fly by with planning, working, packing, and of course my friend Tasha's wedding!  I wonder what it will be like going back to St. Louis.  When I come home for long periods of time, I adjust back to living here very quickly, and I tend to forget that everyone else's lives haven't been put on hold just because I'm not there.  So I know that I am going to have to re-adjust to living in St Louis, which will be both difficult and good.  I'm getting really excited for the coming semester as well, which will help.  Having bought all my books and budgeted for the semester, I am ready to get back into the swing of things.

But for now, I'm content to be at home, enjoying my time here.  I think living in the moment is going to be one of my goals for 2013.