Goodbye 2013

It is so hard for me to believe that we are yet again at the end of another year.  If you ask me, 2013 went by way too fast - it is so hard for me to remember everything that happened!  As we look forward into the new year, it is common to make resolutions - lose weight, go gluten-free, exercise more, get that bigger bonus, etc.  I think for me my resolution is less about how I want my life to change, and more about how I want to see myself grow.  Before I left for the semester, my counselor asked me to keep dreaming over the break about the person that I want to become.  And so, I've thought a lot about the woman that I want to be.  I know I say this all the time, but I want to be who I was made to be - not afraid of what the future holds.  As Elrond says to Aragorn in Return of the King, "Put aside the ranger, become who you were born to be."

So as I look back on 2013, I see some incredible growth.  Going through counseling has strengthened my sense of self and taught me that it's okay to feel how I feel - to be who I am.  I feel like I know myself so much better than I did six months ago (and I thought I knew myself well then!).  But I also see areas in which I want to grow and develop more.  I want to continue to develop my patience, though I think that I've learned a lot in that area, especially in the past year.  I want to both embrace and release my anxiety.  Anxiety is not something that I frequently feel, but when I do, it is a very intense and physical experience.  I want to learn to be okay with this - and not feel anxious about the anxiety - but also learn to r e l e a s e.  "Okay, so I feel anxious, now what can I do to let it go and approach this situation with a peaceful heart?"  I find that I work myself up a lot to protect against disappointment and hurt (especially in relationships), and it is so e x h a u s t i n g.  How do I learn to take appropriate and necessary risks in my life without going into emotional overdrive?

So, instead of starting on some sudden, life-changing path in 2014, I want to continue to grow into who God made me to be.  I want to continue to pursue patience, trust in the Lord, and a peaceful heart.  This may not be the traditional new year's resolution, but 2014 brings a sense of new beginnings and fresh starts as I continue to become who I was born to be.

Happy 2014!